The Behavioral Science Guys video really stuck with me over the last couple of weeks. I’ve seen this behavior and response in myself and others many times. It is like a default setting that I switch back to when I don’t plan what I want to say AND think about the response that I’m hoping for.
I don’t know if it is the “parent” in me, the “wife” in me, or the “teacher” in me that frequently makes me feel the need to share the information I think the other person needs to know…. sometimes I share it over and over or loudly, and then I wonder why the other person becomes defensive. As I’ve reflected on the video and the phenomenon, I think about how I react to people and sometimes become defensive or display reactance.
If I want a change in behavior or at least the acknowledgment that I change MIGHT be beneficial, it would be wise to remember the BS guys. They said to first provide a safe environment for people to explore the motives that they already have. I know that asking non-judgmental questions to help a person explore their own motives at their own pace is more likely to open the lines of communication.